This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
