it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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