Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
