If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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