My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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