So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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