I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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