I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
