I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
