a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
