We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
