I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just invented taco cereal.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
