dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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