my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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