I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
