Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
