yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
