why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
