dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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