whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
