Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
