I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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