clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
