If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
