in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Let's paint friendship bongs
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
