haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
