Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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