none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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