I look better un-naked...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize