is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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