we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
