But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Found the puke drawer
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
