You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
