Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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