im having a threesome with these popsicles
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
