The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
