u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
