woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
