I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize