So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
