As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
