put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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