I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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