I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
