you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
