If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
