But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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