just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
