Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize