Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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