You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
