quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
