I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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