Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize