I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
