Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize