Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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