Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
