There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
