I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
