the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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