He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
