Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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