wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
