There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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