im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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