I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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