I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
